The Silenced Girl Is Alive

    Staring up into the beautiful sky in a city called Phoenix, I find myself thanking God for giving me another year of life and health. As I look back on what I have been through, I thank God for allowing me to live. Two years ago, I never saw myself become the woman I am now. I thought that I would always be a failure or a nobody. Fast forward to today, I’ve realized my potential in God’s eyes. It took me many trials to discover who I am and let me explain why.

   Despite being a friendly and loving person, there has been moments that I have felt alone, ignored and silenced. Can anyone hear my cry? I ask myself that question every morning. I put my headphones on and I try to ignore the negative vibes this world offers. There’s no use in blending in with fake happiness, I mean, come on, it’s just another day right? A couple years ago, I would say, No one cares about me, why me? I was a good girl, the only harm I would do to others was smile to them. Why do people ignore me? Why do people interrupt me or tell me to shut up? 10 years later, here I am still asking the same questions.

    I learned that the only person who is able to fill this empty void is God. See I have a few family and friends that I cherish with all my heart but the more I tried to be happy, the more I failed. We can’t expect to find love and joy in others. We can receive and give a part of it but only God can truly satisfy us from deep within. The last person I would run or go to was my Heavenly Father. That’s why I was always a frustrated and bitter woman. I attempted suicide five times in many different occasions. I was dead inside and had completely given up until the day I became a survivor. Two years ago, my ex attempted to kill me and while I was knocked out on the floor, I cried inside and for the first time ever I wanted to live, I wanted more to life. When I opened my eyes, God gave me the strength to get up from the floor and leave the abuse and here I am on my twenty-third birthday thanking God for another day of life.

    Is there moments that I still feel alone? Yes. I think we all have experienced it at some point in this journey called life but I’ve learned to listen to what God is trying to teach me during those moments. I discovered many of my gifts and have fell in love with God, life and myself. I can honestly say that even in my most darkest and depressed moments, I no longer give up because I have a Father who always provides and satisfies my every need.